A contestant on 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
As she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover: Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor;
B) the buzzard;
C) the cuckoo; or
D) the vulture?
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative.
She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
Lynda responded unhesitatingly, 'That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.'
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, it would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, Lynda had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
'I need an answer,' said Regis.
'C: The cuckoo.'
'Is that your final answer?' asked Regis.
'Yes, that is my final answer.'
Two seconds later, Regis said, 'I regret to inform you that the answer is.... absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire! '
A few days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including Lynda, who had helped her win the million dollars.
'Lynda, I just do not know how to thank you,' said the contestant. 'Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your
choice. By the way, how did you happen to know the right answer?'
'Oh, come on!' said Lynda. 'Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks.!!'
Blonde Joke: Millionaire
Hypnotist Visits the Senior Center
It was entertainment night at the Senior's Center.
Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you into a trance; I
intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a
beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very
special watch. It's been in my family for six generations'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly
chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch...
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light
gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until,
suddenly,
it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor ,
breaking
into a hundred pieces.
SHIT!' said the Hypnotist.*
*It took three days to clean up the Seniors' Center.*
A Lobster Story
In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking Up the wharf carrying two at-least-three- pound live lobsters, one in each hand.
It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says: "Well me Laddie I got you this time - with two live lobsters three weeks after the season Closed!"
The Newfie says, "No - My Son you are wrong! These are two trained lobsters that I caught two weeks before the season ended."
The Fisheries Officer says, " Trained like how?"
"Well my son, each day I takes these two from my house down to the wharf and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke, or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!"
"Likely story", the Fisheries Officer says! "Lets take them on down the wharf and see if it's true."
So, the Newfie goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.
The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another! After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, "How about whistling?"
The Newfie says " What For?"
The Fisheries Officer says, " To call in the Lobsters"
The Newfie says, " What Lobsters?"
Confesssion
A retired Italian wine maker went to the village church to make his confession for the first time in many decades. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! You have no need to confess it."
"It's worse than that, Father," he continued. "She quickly started to repay me with, uh, you know, favors."
"People in wartime sometimes act in ways they wouldn't under normal conditions," the priest replied. "If you are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a relief," the man said. He then added, "I have one more question."
"What is it, my son?" the priest asked.
The man answered, "She is pretty old now. Should I tell her the war is over?"
Hearing Problem - Husband Wife Jokes
The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn’t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.”
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, honey?
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Still, no answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” She replies, “For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!”