Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and
go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt
Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself
as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the
playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I
went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped
her take off her shirt.. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off,
then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I
want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the
dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.
Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car
go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving
Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.
Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy
started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when
Daddy was in the Army."
Mommy fainted!
MORAL: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.
Little Johnny's Dinner Story
Never argue with a woman : Nice Joke
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and Decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife Decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and Reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the Woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start At any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'For reading a book,' she replies, 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start At any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual a assault,' says The woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you Could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Shortest Essay
This is a story of a 16 year old boy from New Hampshire who won the
World's shortest essay competition.
He was awarded a scholarship at the University of Harvard for his
Imagination and humor ....Here's an example of absolute
Brilliance.. ..
Shortest Essay:
An English university creative writing class was asked to write a
Concise essay containing the following elements:
1) Religion 2) Royalty 3) Sex 4) Mystery
And……
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The prize-winner wrote:
"My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who the father is."
Some Hoardings & Some Titbits
Sometimes we get what we ask for....
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries, and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until, the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'Several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.
The waitress asks, 'But, sir, what's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
When Italians speak English
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
'Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.'
'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine,' retorted the lady indignantly. 'In this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.... '
'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'.'
I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!!