A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time,the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched
with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'
The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing !!!
Marriage Counseling - Husband and Wife Joke
Software Career Growth Meter...Where do you Stand??
Baby's First Doctor Visit!!!
> I hope it will give you a smile!
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> A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
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> Waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
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> The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,
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> Checked his weight, and being a little concerned,
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> Asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
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> 'Breast-fed,' she replied.
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> 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
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> She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and
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> Rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional
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> And detailed examination.
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> Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,
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> 'No wonder this baby is underweight.
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> You don't have any milk.'
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> I know,' she said,
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> 'I'm his Grandma,
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> But I'm glad I came.
Cows, Cows, Cows... !!! Very Funny!
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.
They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."
This Too is for Good!!! Intelligent
An old story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, “This Too is for Good!"
One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This Too is for Good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.
About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.
As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.
As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And, so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."
"No," his friend replied, "This Too is for Good!"
"What do you mean,’ This is good'? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"
"If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you."