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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
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Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."
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An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old". "Where did you get this exact information? " "I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."
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A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live." The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant." "Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient. "No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
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Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.
Great Accountant Jokes
Don't Mess With Your Wife!
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"
still women loves man
Interesting facts
Men are like computers – hard to figure out and never have enough memory Still Women likes man!
Men are like coolers – load them with beer and you can take them anywhere Still Women likes man!
Men are like chocolate bars – sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips Still Women likes man!
Men are like coffee – the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night Still Women likes man!
Men are like horoscopes – they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong Still Women likes man!
Men are like cement – after getting laid they take a long time to get hard Still Women likes man!
Men are like laxatives – they irritate the shit out of you Still Women likes man!
Men are like parking spots – the good ones are already taken and what's left is handicapped Still Women likes man!
A man is like a snowstorm – you never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long he will last Still Women likes man!
What should you give a man who has everything? – A woman to show him how to work it Still Women likes man!
How does a man show he's planning for the future? – He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Still Women likes man!
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? – The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Still Women likes man!
Why are husbands like lawn mowers? – They're hard to get started, emit foul odours and don't work half the time. Still Women likes man!
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? – After a year the dog is still excited to see you. Still Women likes man!
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? – Breasts don't have eyes. Still Women likes man!
What's the difference between men and government bonds? – Bonds mature Still Women likes man!
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? – We don't know, it's never happened Still Women likes man!
Why are men like tile floors? – If you lay ' em properly the first time, you can walk over them for years. Still Women likes man!
What do you call a man with half a brain? – Gifted. Still Women likes man!
AND FINALLY …… Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? – Because these men already have boyfriends! Still Women likes man!