Short Jokes - Great father-in-law
A woman had 3 girls. One day she decides to test her sons-in-law. She invites the first one for a stroll by the lakeshore, purposely falls in and pretends to be drowning. Without any hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in and saves her.
The next morning, he finds a brand new Toyota car in his driveway with this message on the windshield.
"Thank you! Your mother-in-law who loves you!
A few days later, the lady does the same thing with the second son-in-law. He jumps in the water and saves her also. She offers him a new Honda car with the same message on the windshield.
Thank you! Your mother-in-law who loves you!
A few days later, she does the same thing again with the third son-in-law. While she is drowning, the son-in-law looks at her without moving an inch and thinks: "Finaly! It's about time that this old witch dies!
The next morning, he receives a brand new Ferrari car with this message…
THANK YOU! Your father-in-law.
Great father-in-law
Made for each other..!!
A father rat decided to marry off his daughter to a prospective groom - another rat, but his daughter would not settle for any one less than the most powerful one in the world.
So the father approached SUN with the request.
Sun on being told the reason politely declined his request saying that he was indeed not the most powerful one. It was a cloud who would block the sun light and sun finds himself powerless before a cloud.
When approached, the cloud cited a mountain more powerful than him for it is the mountain who would stop cloud in its' path.
Next was the mountain, who meekly stated that it is not the mountain who is the powerful, but the rat who would dig a hole in it and the mountain could not stop him.
Ultimately, the daughter agreed to marry a rat.
Generous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... No."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Why men wear ear rings?
I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer.
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring, "he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my car."
Women are so much smarter than men!
When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter than men!
Bubble in Bathtub
Dirty Jokes - Bubble in Bathtub
A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, Lets start with the boys first.
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher was confused to listen but said, Interesting. Well, Ok. Infact, we must be honest in telling the hobby.
And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So its ok John. Yes next. Second boy: Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher now got surprised and said, Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next.
Third boy: Im Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Teacher: Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next.
This continues... and the last boy stands up I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.
Exhausted, the teacher said, I dont think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please.
First girl: Im Julie and my hobby is to see birds.
Teacher: Good. At last I got something different. Ok next.
Second girl: Im Ruby and I like to collect perfumes.
Teacher Now its like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl; Yes you...
Most beautiful girl of the class: Mam, my name is BUBBLE, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day.
Honest Lawyer!
Having just moved to a new home, a young boy meets the boy next door.
"Hi, my name is Billy," he says, "what's yours?"
"Tommy," replied the other.
"My daddy's an accountant," says Billy. "What does your daddy do?"
"He's a lawyer," Tommy answers.
"Honest?" says Billy.
"No, just the regular kind."
Passionate Love
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
Great Accountant Jokes
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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
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Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."
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An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old". "Where did you get this exact information? " "I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."
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A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live." The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?" The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant." "Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient. "No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."
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Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.
Don't Mess With Your Wife!
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"